Let me just start by saying I like Patty Jenkins but WW84 is a real dud. The movie starts off with a 15 minute opening sequence that could have been cut down to a 1 minute sequence. Themyscira is boring and bland and the race sequence does absolutely nothing for the movie. When I say absolutely nothing I truly do mean it. It doesn’t add or remove anything from Diana’s (Gal Gadot) character and we really didn’t need it. Rumor has it that Warner Bros. wanted one of the opening scenes cut from the already long 2 hour and 35 minute runtime but Patty Jenkins said no let’s keep both of them in.
Right after the first opening sequence there for some reason is another one? There is a robbery in progress at a mall and Wonder Woman with her terrible special effects show up to save the day. Whenever she moves or jumps she floats, there is no weight to her movement and it just looks so fake and cheesy. May I remind you that this movie had a $200 million budget. I am rarely ever picky about things but in 2020 there is a level of special effects quality that you expect from a big tentpole movie like this. At the end of the day though this is neither here nor there and a movie is more than its effects, its about the story and the characters.
Anyways, Wonder Woman saves the day and through a TV screen we are introduced to Maxwell Lord (Pedro Pascal) who is a Donald Trump clone down to the mannerisms and the way he speaks. Pedro’s hairpiece is better though. Maxwell Lord’s business is losing money, the land he has purchased has no oil and his offices are barren. A couple of minutes later we are introduced to Barbara Minerva (Kristen Wiig). In the first 5 minutes of her introduction she drops her papers all over the floor because I guess in the script she was described as nerdy. I absolutely hate that, what about dropping your papers is nerdy? Then some stuff happens and Barbara gets sexually assaulted and Diana saves her which will be important later when she gets turned into Cheetah.
I don’t even want to talk about the wishing stone because it is the crux of everything wrong with this movie. Whenever an unexplainable and all-powerful magic is introduced I’m out. A stone that grants wishes? That’s the best you could come up with? It doesn’t even have a cooldown or a downside like the lamp from Aladdin it simply has the power to grant infinite wishes but as we later find out there is a little bit of monkeys paw going on with the wishing stone. The stone extracts a toll from you and that toll manifests itself in many ways. Barbara finds herself losing her humanity and Diana’s powers are failing.
Can I talk about Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) for a second. Take him out of this movie. He was one of my favorite parts about the film but just get him out of there. You mean to tell me that for 60+ years Wonder Woman has not had a relationship or had even been interested in any other man? Give me a break. If you haven’t already guessed Diana wished for Steve to come back when she touched the wishing stone but he didn’t just come back out of nowhere, he occupies the body of a regular guy. Imagine you are just a normal guy living in Washington and then all of a sudden your body is inhabited by an old ghost.
Then for like an hour or so nothing happens and it’s boring and I almost forgot I was watching a Wonder Woman movie. I don’t know what else to say about this stupid dumb movie, I wanted Cheetah to be cool! She wasn’t even cool, not in the slightest! When Wonder Woman and Cheetah fought it was almost completely dark, you couldn’t even see what was going on. This was probably done to cover up Cheetah’s terrible CG, matter of fact I’m sure of it. Don’t see this movie. Just watch the first one, or if you want another good Patty Jenkins movie to watch put on Monster. She wrote AND directed that, Monster rocks.
Wonder Woman 1984 does not rock. 5/10