This is Pokémon We Could Beat Up #3
This is a bi-weekly column from me and Chris where we go through the National Pokédex and talk about whether we could beat each pokémon in a fight.
Weight: 21.8 lbs
Chris: Like I’ve said before, not a big bug guy. However, you gotta do what you gotta do. Unless this thing hardens 200 times, this is an easy first win. It can’t fight back. Easy first battle.
Steve: Today is bug stomping day and there’s not much more to it. One roundhouse kick to a metapod and its game over.
Weight: 70.5 lbs
Chris: I think this is a little harder than you’d expect. 71 pounds isn’t a slouch. The only thing I’m worried about is the sleeping, poison, and paralysis it could cause. If I get my hands on it, it’s over. But if I’m sleeping I can’t do much about that. Either way, I’d make it out on top.
Steve: A little bit bigger than a metapod but not much of a challenge. I hate bugs so on one hand I absolutely abhore the idea of a 3 foot tall butterfly coming at me. On the flip side I hate bugs so I’d want to dispose of this monstrosity as quick as possible.
Weight: 7.1 lbs
Chris: Definitely the easiest fight of the day. This fight doesn’t last more than a minute.
Steve: I’ll grab a weedle and whip it around my head like a terrible towel. Easy win, I’m 3-0 today and I don’t see a loss in my future.
Weight: 22.0 lbs
Chris: Another Pokémon that’s similar to Metapod. It can’t hurt me at all. These bugs don’t stand a chance. They are a nice break from the big boys coming soon.
Steve: I know it’s not in the rules but I’ll take a weedle and kakuna at the same time. There’s nothing that they could do to me to slow me down or injure me.
Weight: 65.0 lbs
Chris: The lamest Pokémon ever created and that’s including the ice cream cone, trash bag, and the apple. Beedrill is very fast with a lot of stingers. That sorta worries me. I think this is a close one. He’s like a trainer assassin that can keep poking me with its stingers. All in all, I think my strikes would do more damage and I would end up a victor.
Steve: Chris hates Beedrill but I think he’s really cool. Those stingers look intimidating but a Beedrill is basically a toddler with knives strapped to their arms. Sounds terrifying when you put it like that but I still feel very confident about my chances here.
Chris: 5-0 as well. I’m ready to move past these gross bugs.
Steve: 5-0 on the day. These bugs don’t pose a challenge.
New fights every Monday and Friday 5:00 PM EST. Gotta beat em’ all.