Pokémon We Could Beat Up #5

This is Pokémon We Could Beat Up #5

This is a bi-weekly column from Chris and I where we go through the National Pokédex and talk about whether we could beat each pokémon in a fight.


Eclectic mix of matchups today. Snakes, why did it have to be snakes?

021. Spearow

Height: 1’00”

Weight: 4.4 lbs

Spearow type, strengths, weaknesses, evolutions, moves, and stats -  PokéStop.io

CHRIS: This is actually a really hard one for me. Realistically, I do not see myself winning this fight. I have never been able hit a bird in my everyday life, so how would I hit it now? It could peck me and fly away. However, if it is constantly coming at me, I trust my hand eye coordination enough to where I could land at least one solid hit on it. It is small enough to where that could be a fatal blow. I’ll take this one, but it’s close.

STEVE: Same as Pidgey, I think hitting a bird out of the sky would be incredibly hard but for it to hit me it has to come close to me. I would lay down and play dead and when it comes to peck me I deliver a wild haymaker to its little bird head.

022. Fearow

Height: 3’11”

Weight: 83.8 lbs

022 Fearow icon 256x256px (ico, png, icns) - free download | Icons101.com

CHRIS: I don’t think I win this one. A very similar situation to the last one, but significantly bigger. I will be able to hit it more, but with less effectiveness. I’ll take the L here. Big bird handles me.

STEVE: Living in the world of pokémon must be terrifying. Imagine if half the birds you saw in your daily life were 3 feet tall. Nothing for me to do here, death by bird ensues. All the pictures of the pokémon in these articles are from a website called called pokestop but they didn’t have one of fearow in the size I wanted so I found this instead.

023. Ekans

Height: 6’07”

Weight: 15.2 lbs

Ekans type, strengths, weaknesses, evolutions, moves, and stats -  PokéStop.io

CHRIS: I hate snakes so much. I did a little research, and this snake would be very skinny and very long. The length worries me, but it would be on the ground, not taller than me. I can handle a thin snake. I don’t think it could do much damage to me with its size. Putting my fears aside, I take it out.

STEVE: I’m right with Chris on this one, I feel that I could confidently handle a long and thin snake. I absolutely hate snakes, I need to dispatch this monster as quick as possible. I would be crying the entire time, if I see a snake I am shaking in my boots.

024. Arbok

Height: 11’06”

Weight: 143.3 lbs

Arbok type, strengths, weaknesses, evolutions, moves, and stats -  PokéStop.io

CHRIS: I don’t see a single reality where I have a chance. I wouldn’t even try. A massive snake would make pee trickle down my leg. 11 feet tall??? Excuse me? 145 pounds? I would let it eat me just so I wouldn’t have to see it ever again. I’m getting anxiety just thinking about it. Easy loss. 

STEVE: Steve died. Someone else is writing this up for him now because he died thinking of this giant terrifying snake. I think I automatically lose to any large pokemon that is creepy or crawly. 11 foot and 143 pounds is just ridiculous. Whether it bites me and I die or it chokes me to death it’s not going to be pretty.

025. Pikachu

Height: 1’04”

Weight: 13.2 lbs

Pikachu Icon | Download Characters icons | IconsPedia

CHRIS: Another one I’m kinda confused about. A very small mouse doesn’t worry me much. It’s large for a mouse so that’s a little odd. I see one quick stomp ending this pretty fast. Obviously, if I’m electrocuted than I won’t last long, but I don’t plan on allowing that to happen. 

STEVE: Obviously if it uses any electric moves on me I’m done for but pikachu in the anime is never really that formidable. Pikachu in the hands of an experienced trainer is scary but a wild pikachu I am not too worried about. It is unfortunately very cute and I would be very hesitant to hurt it. I’m sorry pikachu, I wish it didn’t have to be this way.


CHRIS: I can confidently say I go 3-2 today. 

STEVE: Another 5 fights, another 3 victories and 2 losses. Can we please move onto the next 5, snakes make me uncomfortable. Next will be 26-30 and I think every 10 battles I want to update our standings to represent our record up to this point. Out of 30 fights I want to see how I have been faring.

New fights every Monday and Friday 5:00 PM EST. Gotta beat em’ all.

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