This is Pokémon We Could Beat Up #9
This is a bi-weekly column from Chris and I where we go through the National Pokédex and talk about whether we could beat each pokémon in a fight.
Bats and plants, call us when we have some real competition
Weight: 16.5 lbs
CHRIS: It is blind. I am not scared at all. I quick slap and gg.
STEVE: “It has evolved to have neither eyes nor nostrils, it instead navigates through dark environments and tight caves with echolocation” Thank you bulbapedia for this information, now I know there’s no way a Zubat could hurt me. Outside of a cave environment this thing is useless.
Weight: 121.3 lbs
CHRIS: I am more than willing to take the loss here. A massive bat only a little shorter than I am. It has a lot of attacks that could mess me up. I don’t want to think about
STEVE: Dracula Jr. over here is a five foot tall bat with a mouth that’s almost as big as its body. A tiny Zubat would be scary to fight, I’d be terrified to go up against one of these.
Weight: 11.9 lbs
CHRIS: A little onion. I think if I cut it, that will be the only way it could hurt me. The tears it caused could be the only thing that hurts.
STEVE: Oddish has a head perfect for grabbing on to so I can spin it around real fast and fling it as far as I can. Sorry I had to do you so dirty Oddish, maybe we could be friends in another life.
Weight: 19.0 lbs
CHRIS: I hate this Pokemon because it looks like it is super stoned and messed up. It looks so sloppy and gross. I would love to mess up this pokemon.
STEVE: Bulbapedia hit me with some knowledge; “Both this nectar and the flower on Gloom’s head release a foul odor strong enough to induce fainting in humans over a mile (1.6 kilometers) away. However, it can also attract prey, and even a very small number of humans find it pleasing.” This looks like another Jigglypuff situation to me. Even if I faint due to the smell, I’m only going to wake up after a little bit and I don’t believe Gloom has the offensive weapons to take me down.
Weight: 41.0 lbs
CHRIS: This is another Pokemon that I thought was bigger. These are all weeds or flowers so I see myself just ripping them in half with my hands. A little mushroom cant hurt me.
STEVE: Vileplume’s pollen is toxic to Pokemon but it is just like regular pollen to a human so I might experience some sneezes and coughs but that’s not going to be enough to put me down. Get out of here Vileplume! Make way for the next sucker who steps to me.
CHRIS: Another 4-1 day. I am enjoying staying alive while I can.
STEVE: Another easy day with 4 wins and 1 loss. Like I said last time, I have to take my wins where I can because we are going to hit a point where we won’t be able to buy a win.
New fights every Monday and Friday 5:00 PM EST. Gotta beat em’ all.