This is Pokémon We Could Beat Up #10
This is a bi-weekly column from Chris and I where we go through the National Pokédex and talk about whether we could beat each pokémon in a fight.
Looks like a bunch of bugs today. We hate bugs, someone call the exterminators (that’s us). Cringe – Chris
Weight: 11.9 lbs.
CHRIS: Did someone order crab bisque? Because that’s what I’m making for dinner after I pick this thing apart.
STEVE: I’ll stomp out a Paras like I’m in American History X. I’ll cook those mushrooms on its back alongside a nice steak. W.
Weight: 65.0 lbs.
CHRIS: Kinda big. However, mushrooms are incredibly soft. I would just kick it once; and rip it in half.
STEVE: Shoutout Bulbapedia, giving me all the information I need to overcome these Pokémon. “Removing the mushroom will cause Parasect to stop moving.” Once I yank that mushroom off it’s game over. W.
Weight: 61 lbs.
CHRIS: I will not take the L like Steve did. I doubt that toxic liquid is enough to bother me. It may work on little Pokémon, but it won’t work on me. They say Daddy Long Legs are the most poisonous spider, but it can’t break through our skin. That’s how I imagine this.
STEVE: “The fur releases a toxic liquid and it spreads when shaken violently off their bodies.” I can’t even touch this thing? That’s not even fair. Maybe if I had a stick or something but the rules dictate no weapons, fair is fair. L.
Weight: 27.6 lbs.
CHRIS: I am going to have to take the loss here. As Steve explained, it seems like I could be paralyzed or poisoned very easily. One loop hole I saw was that it poisons with direct contact to the skin. I won’t be naked when I fight!
STEVE: I’ve had enough of these poisonous Pokémon. “Dark scales are poisonous, while lighter scales can cause paralysis. These scales are released when Venomoth flutters its wings and leak out poison once they make contact with the skin.” This thing could hover over me high enough to where I can’t reach it and drip poison onto me until I die. Lovely. L.
Weight: 1.8 lbs
CHRIS: There is no way Diglett can hurt me. Maybe it’ll pop up under my foot, and I roll and ankle. Have you ever heard of whack a mole? Yeah imagine that.
STEVE: Someone take a video of me punting this thing, I’m making a highlight film. Maybe me and Chris can have a competition to see who can kick a Diglett the furthest. W.
CHRIS: Record up to this point: 37-13. I went 4-1 today. I think Steve over estimated the gnat. Even if I am poisoned, I’ll get the cur after I beat its butt.
STEVE: 3-2 today. Add that to all my previous records and I am sitting pretty at 35-15. Out of 50 fights only losing 15 seems pretty good to me. We are getting into some of the scarier Pokémon pretty soon so the losses will come don’t you worry.
New fights every Monday and Friday 5:00 PM EST. Gotta beat em’ all.