Pokémon We Could Beat Up #11

This is Pokémon We Could Beat Up #11

This is a bi-weekly column from Chris and I where we go through the National Pokédex and talk about whether we could beat each Pokémon in a fight.


051-055

How much is the coin on Meowth’s head worth? We’re coming for that money.

051. Dugtrio

Height: 2’04”

Weight: 73.4 lbs.

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CHRIS: Steve stole my answer for what I said for Diglett. I would do the same as him. I do not see a way that I can be hurt by this.

STEVE: I’m playing whack-a-mole on this thing, and I’m coming for the high score. This is just three large Diglett’s so I don’t really understand where the weight difference comes from but this is still an easy win. W.

052. Meowth

Height: 1’04”

Weight: 9.3 lbs.

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CHRIS: It seems like everyone can body Meowth in the show so I should have no issue. Has he ever won a fight?

STEVE: I don’t want to hit a cat. Different story if this is the Meowth from the Pokémon cartoon, that little bastard never shuts up. I’ll just pretend it’s him I’m fighting. W.

053. Persian

Height: 3’03”

Weight: 70.5 lbs.

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CHRIS: If it has the aggressiveness of the massive cats then I have no chance. I would be mauled to death.

STEVE: Persian’s are the height of a mountain lion but a little lighter, a mountain lion would murder me. I have to put my pride aside and accept my loss, a Persian would make quick work of me. L.

054. Psyduck

Height: 2’07”

Weight: 43.2 lbs.

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CHRIS: Psyduck is just confused all the time. He always has headaches, and I know how bad they can be. They make life impossible. I empathize with him, but sorry gotta do what I gotta do.

STEVE: “Psyduck is constantly stunned by its headache and is unable to think very clearly. It usually stands immobile, trying to calm its headache. However, when its headache becomes too severe, it releases tension in the form of strong psychic powers.” In Detective Pikachu you see these psychic powers in full effect after a bad headache. All I have to do is rush Psyduck before his headache gets real bad and knock him out. W.

055. Golduck

Height: 5’7″

Weight: 168.9 lbs.

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CHRIS: He is the most Humanoid Pokemon we have battled yet. I am not the bets fighter so I think anything slightly close to my size would give me issues. I have 5 inches and 10 pounds on him. Without his weapons, I win. That is not the case the beak, claws and tail mess me up.

STEVE: I’m pretty terrified of that beak and claws if we’re being honest. A little shorter than me and ten pounds lighter this is the closest physical match yet, it’s just not going to happen. I would be pretty scared to fight a normal Earth duck, this thing is massive and has claws. L.


STANDINGS

CHRIS: 3-2 today. The real threats are the aggressive and large animals that would scare me in real life.

STEVE: Another 3-2 day. Persian and Golduck would make quick work of me but the other 3 I can see myself putting up a good fight and winning. I might get a little beat up, take a few good hits but at the end of the day a win is a win.

New fights every Monday and Friday 5:00 PM EST. Gotta beat em’ all.

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