This is a bi-weekly column from Chris and I where we go through the National Pokédex and talk about whether we could beat each Pokémon in a fight.
This looks like another deadly week for us. Pokémon are scary.
Weight: 34.2 lbs.
CHRIS: This is a massive plant that reminds me of something out of Jumanji. I would be so worried about it eating me. I am pretty sure that happens in the show. I lose here.
STEVE: This thing is straight out of ‘Little Shop of Horrors’. Razor sharp leaves and teeth combined with acid that can melt me down into a puddle. I’m going to give it my all and go down swinging. L.
Weight: 100.3 lbs.
CHRIS: That is a husky squid. I had no idea it was 100 pounds. Either way, I turn thus quickly into a piece of sushi an serve it for lunch.
STEVE: I’m going to be very bold today and say that if I rush this thing I can quickly knock it out or incapacitate it. All of these battles take place on land and I would imagine that a water type would be weaker on land. In the Pokémon anime it’s been shown that water types can exist and move around on land, if this battle were in the ocean me and Chris would stand no chance. Again, this might be me being bold but I think I can come up with a win. W.
Weight: 121.3 lbs.
CHRIS: I do not want anything to do with this beast. Especially if you think about how massive it is in the into of the show. He has plenty of ways to knock me out. I assume it would be by that spikey nose.
STEVE: I always thought Tentacruel was an octopus, I don’t know why I never saw it as a jellyfish. Doesn’t really matter because I’m dead. L.
Weight: 44.1 lbs.
CHRIS: No way I lose to a rock. What is Steve thinking? Is it going to roll around? I am not scared of that. He is small enough to where I can push him around.
STEVE: This is a rock with fists. Fists that are made of rock. How am I going to hurt a Geodude? It’s literally a boulder with fists, I hope my death is swift. L.
Weight: 231.5 lbs.
CHRIS: This is a fat L. 230 pounds?? WHAT. And he can walk.This is terrifying.
STEVE: This is a Geodude with legs and four arms instead of two. I couldn’t hurt this thing if I wanted to.
CHRIS: 2-3 again. This is not fun.
STEVE: I should be 0-5 but I was feeling a little confident. 1-4 on the day. I like to think I’m an honest guy, I’m not going to sit here and lie to you and claim that I could beat up a Geodude. It’s not happening.
New fights every Monday and Friday 5:00 PM EST. Gotta beat em’ all.